earXtacy, Summer2013

Text Box: editorials

Everybody Has Their Own Opinion

Mitch Hedberg

Louis CK

Punk’s Not Dead

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“i think pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. but on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. but pringles was a laid-back company. they said "fuck it, cut 'em up."



i came across mitch hedberg archives five or six years ago while flipping channels late one night.  though I only caught archives the last two minutes of his performance on one of those stand up shows on comedy central, it was far more than enough to realize i had just witnessed the funniest comedian i had ever heard.  not just because his jokes were the funniest i had ever heard, but because i just plain loved the guy.  he seemed like i guy you’d just like to hug.  and that is saying a lot coming from me, as i’m archives the last person to just go around hugging other men, let alone a stranger.  but i felt like i had just made a friend with mitch.



“it's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet.  whoa! where's my wallet?   but, hey! this song is funky.”



soon after his performance ended, i went straight away to my computer and started researching him on the internet.  it was only a few weeks later when i was able to see his entire performance on that show, which only solidified my attachment to my new found friend.  of course i took the next logical step and watched the local paper for any word of mitch performing at the comedy works here in denver. by the grace of god, mitch was soon performing right here in my backyard and i had front row seats.  my girlfriend and i could hardly walk out of that place standing up after the show as our stomachs were killing us from laughing so freakin’ hard.



“i like refried beans. i wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time.”



once again, it wasn’t just that his jokes were hilarious as all hell, his presentation made for the perfect companion.  mitch made us feel like we were sitting on the couch with him, just pulling tubes, listening to tunes and hanging out.  it did take me a few minutes to realize he had his eyes closed most of the time, but so what?  so the guy was shy. it took jim Morrison quite awhile to face his crowds.  his shyness is just another reason to love him.  dude was so shy he couldn't’ open his eyes but realized he brought some joy to a lot of people and did what he had to do.  to quote the brilliant ian MacKaye, “what the fuck have you done?”



“i opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said ‘please try again.’  they were having a contest that i was unaware of. i thought maybe i had opened the yogurt wrong.  or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. come on mitch, don't give up! an inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait; fruit on the bottom, hope on top.”



if you’re looking for your typical brash, in your face, political, racial, obnoxious, or the ‘been there - done that’ comedy that stains our brains on a daily basis, then you won’t dig mitch.  mitch just stood there took his fans to a happy place.  not a bad thing during such troubling times.  so not only is he a friend, but now he’s a friend and a profound therapist.



“i was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said ‘sorry, we're closed.’  you don't have to be sorry. it's 3a.m. and your a drycleaner. it would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. i'm not gonna come by at 10a.m. and say, ‘hey, i was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. someone owes me an apology.’”



now here is the sad part.  my friend is dead.  pretty recently as well, a year ago this past march.  i found out when after many months of watching for his next performance in denver, i checked his website and saw the bad news.  i was sad.  i still get sad when i realize mitch is gone and i won’t be able to see him perform live again.  i can’t recall the last time i even considered looking at the comedy works schedule since I heard of mitch passing.  that anticipation of ‘is this going to be the time when I see that mitch is coming back?’ was just that exciting.  i miss mitch.



“i can't get into flossing, i can't. people who smoke say you don't know how hard it is to stop smoking. yes i do. it's as hard as it is to start flossing. you seem jittery. yeah, i'm archives to floss.”



so i hope this brief glimpse of mitch is enough to drive you to his website or out your door and to your nearest locally owned mom & pop cd store and pick up one of his cd’s.  i tell you this, if you don’t enjoy it, send it to earXtacy and we’ll refund your money.  the guy was that brilliant.  i’ll put my money on that any day.



i had a stick of carefree gum, but it didn't work. i felt pretty good while i was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, i was back to pondering my mortality.



god bless, mitch!  peace out.



"i don't own a cell phone or a pager. i just hang around everyone i know, all the time. if someone wants to get a hold of me they just say "mitch" and i say "what?" and turn my head slightly."




After having my favorite comedian taken from my world far too early, I’ve been on the prowl for one to take that throne ever since.  There is a new king of comedy and his name is Louis CK. 


I first found Louis on HBO after catching his sitcom ‘Lucky Louie’.  It was a sick and twisted version of ‘Married with Children’.  I’m one of those that believe profanity makes everything better.  Just like with ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’.  It’s what ‘Seinfeld’ could have been if they were allowed to swear.